


Reflections on a Page of Life Never Known

by MrsHamill



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Compliant, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-12-27
Updated: 1999-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:33:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6043404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsHamill/pseuds/MrsHamill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The instant before death can show more than what <i>has</i> happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections on a Page of Life Never Known

**Author's Note:**

> HiperBunny told me to stop goofing off and start behaving like a writer. This is all her fault. Thanks, rodent.

Sunlight dancing on a wave;  
Reflections on a page  
of life never known...  


* * *

  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." Obi-Wan screamed as he watched the Sith thing run his Master through the chest with that evil red lightsaber. Then the laser wall cycled and his mind blanked and he just fought, became a killing machine until the creature lay in two pieces at the bottom of the melting pit.  
  
Skidding to a stop on his knees beside his Master, he tenderly lifted the head of gray-streaked brown hair and cradled it on his lap. "...too late," Qui-Gon gasped, "it's too late..."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Obi-Wan, promise...promise me you'll train the boy..."  
  
"Yes Master..." Obi-Wan whispered as he wept.  
  
"He is... he is the chosen one... he will bring balance..." Qui-Gon's voice faded as his remaining lung strained to provide his shredded body with air. "Train him..."  
  
"Yes, yes, I promise," Obi-Wan whimpered, tears streaming down his face, his whole body shaking with reaction and pain.  
  
Tenderly, Qui-Gon lifted one hand to wipe at the tears streaming down his Padawan's cheek. Their eyes locked as Qui-Gon drew his final breath...  
  


* * *

  
AGE 12  
  
"I take Obi-Wan Kenobi as my Padawan Learner," Qui-Gon Jinn declared, resting his hands comfortingly on the boy's shoulders. "That is," and he looked down into amazed gray-green eyes, "if he wants me to..."  
  
"If I WANT you to..." the boy breathed, suddenly remembering to ask his heart to beat again. "Oh, Master Jinn, yes, yes, YES..." Turning he impulsively wrapped his arms around the big man and squeezed, trying desperately to keep tears from coming. After all, it wouldn't be seemly for a newly made Padawan to disgrace his Master by crying like a crèche baby.  
  
After an initial "Oomph!" of surprise, comforting warm arms hugged him back almost as tightly. Obi-Wan felt the gentle chuckle right through all the tunics and pulled back just enough to see his Master's - HIS MASTER! - face.  
  
A sharp sound made him look down to where Master Yoda stood, obviously just having whacked his former Padawan with his gimer stick. "About time this is. Waited almost too long you did," the little green Master said, a satisfied smirk plastered on his face.  
  
"Sorry, Master," Qui-Gon said without much contrition, rubbing his knee. Deep blue eyes then smiled gently down into Obi-Wan's, and one large hand came up to caress his cheek with a proprietary gesture. "Can you forgive me for waiting so long, my Obi-Wan?" he asked quietly.  
  
Blinking back the tears that just insisted on coming, Obi-Wan nodded mutely. He could forgive his Master anything. Anything at all.  
  


* * *

  
AGE 15  
  
"I'm sorry, Master," Obi-Wan said quietly, kneeling before the seated Qui-Gon.  
  
The young man before him was the absolute picture of abject misery; face downcast, hands clasped behind his back, shoulders slumped. The black eye and bruised chin only added to the image of despair. Qui-Gon placed his worry over his Padawan's injuries and his faint amusement at his predicament behind adamantine shields, only allowing his dismay and disappointment to be felt through the training bond.  
  
He sighed. "Obi-Wan, what are we going to do with you? Your anger continues to get you into trouble. I must say I'm becoming tired of healing you. Not to mention the reaction of the Masters of the other Padawans."  
  
Obi-Wan swallowed tightly. He was really in for it now, despite the fact that it wasn't his fault. One gentle finger descended to his chin and tipped up his head. "Not your fault, Padawan?"  
  
 _Oh shit oh shit oh shit_ he thought to himself, and struggled to repair his ragged shields. "Well, not exactly Master, I mean, Bruck was teasing some of the younger initiates, and it really got out of hand. I was trying to stop him but..."  
  
"I see. Bruck started it then."  
  
Obi-Wan squirmed. "Well, no, not exactly, but when I asked him to stop teasing the kids, he..."  
  
"Where was the crèche Master, Obi-Wan?"  
  
"Umm, not far, but I..."  
  
"So you took it upon yourself to stop Bruck's teasing."  
  
"Umm, yes, but..."  
  
"And when he challenged you, you fought."  
  
Obi-Wan sighed. He knew when he was beaten. "Yes, Master."  
  
"Tell me how this could have been avoided, Obi-Wan."  
  
"I should have called the crèche Master."  
  
"Yes, you should have. Your urge to protect the defenseless is commendable. But, Obi-Wan, you must remember to pick your fights wisely. When there is a better course of action open to you, do not hesitate to take it."  
  
It was a familiar litany, and the Padawan swallowed the lump in his throat. What a screw-up he was! He didn't know how his Master put up with him.  
  
The gentle hand was back, this time easing the pain of the bruises and the shiner. "I put up with you because I love you, Obi-Wan," the larger man murmured, caressing the cheek he had just partially healed. "I foresee you could be a great Knight some day, that is, if we can get this temper in check. There." He sat back, looking at his Padawan critically. "I think that's enough. I would like you to keep some of the pain as a reminder for a while. And I think the anger exercises would not be amiss for the next two weeks."  
  
His pleasure at hearing his Master's first words was rapidly overshadowed by the latter pronouncement. "Oh, no, not... I mean. Yes, Master." Resigned to his fate. Qui-Gon's mouth quirked into a smile, quickly suppressed.  
  
"Up now, Padawan. It's dinner hour and I find I'm famished. We'll begin your new lessons in the morning."  
  


* * *

  
AGE 19  
  
"My Master is NOT serene," Obi-Wan argued vociferously with his friends at their table.  
  
"Oh, come on, Kenobi," one of the other Padawans scorned, "if he got any more serene he'd be dead! I've never seen anyone so calm."  
  
"Seriously, Chou, he's not. You just see his outer shell," Obi-Wan continued earnestly. "I've seen him on missions... I know what he goes through when something isn't going well, or when he sees injustice." The Padawan's eyes got a faraway look. "Sometimes I think it's all he can do to keep from lashing out. That mission to Praetel..."  
  
The group at the table groaned. That was NOT a good topic. The mission in question, having taken place the year before, had already become a major topic for philosophy and planetary government study courses.  
  
Obi-Wan laughed. "Okay, okay, I know, but you only know the official accounts. When that pre-school was firebombed..." he sobered and shuddered convulsively. "I've never seen anything like it. He just shut down. I couldn't read anything besides the stuff that leaked, and there was precious little leakage, let me tell you."  
  
His friend Bant leaned forward, forearms on the table. "Like what, Obi?"  
  
The Padawan considered her seriously for a moment before speaking. His gray-green eyes were dark with remembered anguish. "If it had been anyone else but Qui-Gon Jinn, I think he would have turned. I think I would have, if he hadn't been there to anchor me."  
  
"That's ridiculous." Chou again. "You are the most well-grounded Padawan in the Temple, Kenobi."  
  
He shook his head. "It was bad, Chou. Really bad. I tried to massage his shoulders for him a couple of times, you know, to relax him? His muscles were like granite. I know he hated every minute of that mission. I did too." He sighed gustily. "And that's just the half of it. Everyone knows how that mission ended up." In failure, he thought miserably. He'd spent weeks in meditation, expurgating the guilt and wretchedness that failed mission had cost him. And at every step he took, his Master was there, seeing to his comfort and aid before ever seeking his own way out of the nightmare.  
  
//Padawan?// came the thought across his training bond. Qui-Gon must have been picking up on his distress over the memories of that disastrous mission.  
  
//Sorry, Master // he sent back.  
  
//No sorry necessary, Obi-Wan. Are you all right?//  
  
Obi-Wan smiled to himself, realizing how lucky he was to have such a caring, compassionate, passionate Master. //I'm fine Master. I'll be home soon.//  
  
Obi-Wan looked around at his friends at the table. "No, my master is most definitely not serene. And thank the Force for that."  
  


* * *

  
AGE 24  
  
"I'm - I'm sorry about my behavior, Master. It's not my place to disagree with you about the boy." Obi-Wan looked down, avoiding his Master's look as the taller man turned to him. "And I am grateful you think I'm ready to take the trials."  
  
"You've been a good apprentice, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon smiled, relieving the younger man. "And you're a much wiser man than I am." Qui-Gon clapped a hand on his apprentice's shoulder. "I foresee you will become a great Jedi Knight."  
  
Obi-Wan smiled. "That's not the first time you've said THAT, Master."  
  
"And it's true. Before you turn 25, perhaps by the end of this month, you'll be a Knight, Obi-Wan. You are ready for the trials, no matter what the Council says."  
  
The slight frown on his Padawan's face gave Qui-Gon some pause. "What is it, Obi-Wan?"  
  
In reply, Obi-Wan closed his eyes. Qui-Gon could feel him accessing the Force, querying it about something, centering himself and pulling the fabric of reality close about him. Not for the first time he marveled at his apprentice's command of the invisible; no matter what he had said earlier, Obi-Wan did have a good command of the living Force.  
  
Seeming to come to a decision, Obi-Wan opened his eyes and stared at his Master, who shivered slightly at the intensity displayed in the gray-green eyes.  
  
"Master, I would speak with you for a moment, alone." The voice was low, forceful and very serious, and Qui-Gon instantly agreed, stepping aside and drawing his Padawan more deeply into the shade of the forest, away from the Naboo.  
  
"What is it, Obi-Wan?" he repeated softly.  
  
"What you have said, Master, about my becoming a Knight..." suddenly his assurance seemed to abandon him and he looked away. "I-I see that you may be right. In the Council chamber, I was hurt over what you said - no, wait, please let me finish." He held up a hand and Qui-Gon subsided, but resolved again to apologize for his harsh words before the Council.  
  
"I was hurt, at first. But, as in so many things, you are probably right. And it isn't my place to question you." The young man looked back at his mentor. "Master, would - could you consider working with me after my Knighting? I find I have no wish to leave your side."  
  
Qui-Gon was speechless. Never in all his wildest fantasies had he dreamed that Obi-Wan would come to him with such a request. Especially after their recent scene...  
  
Almost against his volition, his hand came up to stroke his Padawan's cheek softly. It took him a moment to find his voice - especially after Obi-Wan leaned into the caress and half-closed his eyes in pleasure - and when he did find it, it was raw. "Padawan, why would you want to stay with someone who has hurt you the way I have? An old man who has only been a thorn in your side."  
  
One side of Obi-Wan's mouth quirked in a half smile. "You only did what you felt you had to do, Qui-Gon." It was rare that Obi-Wan used his Master's given name and it's use now humbled the tall Master. "I've come to understand that over our years together. And you are not old, nor have you ever been a thorn in my side. The Council's, maybe, but never mine. And..." he trailed off, apparently unwilling to continue.  
  
His heart suddenly hammering in his chest, Qui-Gon pressed gently, searching the younger man's face for something he hoped would be there. "And what, Obi-Wan?" he whispered.  
  
Swallowing visibly, Obi-Wan gathered up his courage and said, so softly Qui-Gon had to lean in to hear him, "...and I love you, Qui-Gon."  
  
They stood frozen in tableau for uncounted minutes, in each other's eyes seeking and finding the answers to unasked questions. Obi-Wan found it difficult to breathe, as though there were a tight band across his chest; there was a roaring in his ears and his mouth was suddenly dry. Qui-Gon's hand moved from his face to cup his head, brushing his Padawan's braid behind his ear as he did so, a movement so careful and delicate that it almost brought Obi-Wan to tears. "What a gift you have given me, Padawan," he finally gasped out. "I can only hope I am worthy of it."  
  
"You are, Master, you are," was his whispered reply. The two men almost imperceptibly swayed closer to each other, until their lips nearly touched.  
  
"When you have been Knighted," Qui-Gon murmured, broadcasting nearly delirious joy and desire, "ask me this question again. If you are sure, I will reply in kind." Their lips met hesitantly, brushing fire across sensitized nerve endings; then parted millimetrically before crashing together again in a hot, frantic kiss that defied logic, serenity and decorum. Tongues met and urgently fought, mouths devoured in their passion, hands pulled bodies as close together as possible.  
  
They broke away from one another almost violently, each realizing the inappropriate place for their actions. Qui-Gon pressed his forehead to Obi-Wan's, panting and gasping as much as the younger man. The level of arousal in each of them fair bid to stun them; it was all they could do to avoid falling to the ground in ecstasy that moment.  
  
Both large hands were cradling his head by now, and Obi-Wan's arms had wrapped themselves around the larger man's waist, pulling them tightly together. "I love you Qui-Gon," he moaned. "Now and forever, I love you."  
  
"My Obi, my Obi..." was all Qui-Gon could say.  
  


* * *

  
AGE 28  
  
Standing before the mirror, Obi-Wan tugged on the well-oiled fingerless gloves, then checked the fastening on his boots.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" came a harsh voice from the doorway.  
  
Without turning around, he answered, "You know exactly what I'm doing. It has our Padawan and I'm going after him."  
  
In two quick strides, Qui-Gon reached his life-mate's side and with a bruising hand on his shoulder turned him. "No. I forbid it."  
  
Narrowed gray-green eyes flashed. "You... FORBID?" The shoulder was wrenched away. "I am no longer your Padawan, Qui-Gon Jinn. I am a Jedi Knight and perfectly capable of taking care of myself."  
  
"Against a SITH? A master? The Council has spoken on this, Obi-Wan..."  
  
"And since WHEN have you ever listened or done what the Council wanted, Master Jinn?"  
  
"In this, they are right."  
  
"May I remind you," the voice was tight with controlled fury, "that four years ago I sliced a Sith in half - by myself? I believe I know what I am doing."  
  
All color drained from Qui-Gon's face and he stumbled to their bed to collapse on it, then buried his face in his hands. "Yes, I remember," came his muffled voice. "And I wasn't there to help you."  
  
Regretting words spoken in anger, Obi-Wan slumped himself and came to kneel at his life-mate's side. "I'm sorry, Qui. It wasn't your fault. As I recall, you were somewhat occupied at the time, trying not to die on me."  
  
The hands came down finally to cup the younger man's face. "The fact remains that I wasn't there to help you. I am now. If you do this, you do this with me."  
  
"No."  
  
"Obi-Wan! It killed Mace Windu! There is no way I am going to let you go alone. You go with me or you are not going."  
  
His mate's face twisted up in agony. "I almost lost you last time, Qui," he whispered. "I couldn't bear to lose you now. Please..."  
  
Qui-Gon chuckled, mirthlessly. "And so I should let you go and risk your life? Where you go, I go, dear one, my only one." He pulled Obi-Wan to him roughly, kissing him as passionately as he could. "Together, Obi. Now and forever, together."  
  
Obi-Wan buried his face in his mate's neck and sighed, trembling. "Together."  
  


* * *

  
AGE 35  
  
Arms locked around each other, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan strolled through the moonlit garden of the Theed Palace in Naboo. It was late, but there were still revelers about, drunkenly celebrating the marriage of their beloved monarch. The two lovers talked of many things, but mostly of their pride at how their Padawan had grown and developed.  
  
"I'm just glad we got them married before they did something rash," Qui-Gon said, pulling his mate to sit with him on a convenient bench. Obi-Wan chuckled in reply.  
  
"'Dala's too uptight and proper for that. Though I did have to wonder sometimes..." Obi-Wan turned on the bench until his back was pressed against his lover's side and his legs propped up across the length of the bench.  
  
"Comfy?" Qui-Gon asked, amused but not letting it stop him from wrapping his arms around his mate.  
  
"Um-hum, but it would be better if you were wearing less."  
  
"In the formal garden? Obi-Wan. I raised you better than that."  
  
The younger man shrugged, licking his lips slowly and not at all contritely as he gazed up at the bigger man. "In bed then. On those wonderful thick, soft sheets Amidala has provided us in our guest quarters."  
  
Smiling down at his lover, Qui-Gon said, "or maybe in that swimming pool she calls a bathtub, with loads and loads of bubbles and some of that wine..."  
  
Obi-Wan was looking at him with ill-disguised lust by now. "How about just up against the wall by the door because at this point I'm not sure we'll make it to the bed or the bathtub..."  
  
Qui-Gon bent his head and kissed him, hard and demanding. Obi-Wan gave just as good as he got until both men were breathless. "Gods I love you," Qui-Gon murmured as they broke for air. "What would you like, my lovely, walking wet dream of a life mate?"  
  
The younger man laughed delightedly at the allusion. "I would like you," he answered seductively, pulling his former Master down to his lips again. "I want to be in you, then I want you in me; pause for breakfast then repeat into infinity."  
  
Over his hot mouth, Obi-Wan felt Qui-Gon smile. "Your wish is my command. Now and forever."  
  
Rising, Obi-Wan held out his hand to help his life-mate to his feet. "Now and forever, Qui."  
  


* * *

  
AGE 37  
  
The fair-haired, sunny boy on Qui-Gon's shoulder burped noisily and promptly fell asleep. The Jedi chuckled and gently laid him down next to his darker sister in their shared bassinet, noting as he did that Leia was awake and staring at him with her customary penetrating gaze. He gently tapped her nose and she squirmed, smiling. "You, my beauty, will be a difficult one, I foresee," he said to her, only half seriously.  
  
From across the room, his life-mate looked up from his reading and chuckled. "How can twins have such different dispositions?" he asked. "Luke is all sunbeams and rainbows, Leia is a little hurricane. I don't get it."  
  
"They take after their parents. Leia has her gentler side, just as 'Dala does," Qui-Gon answered, watching Luke snuggle up to his sister who immediately fell asleep. That looked like a good idea to him so he stood and walked over to the couch where his lover sat and arranged himself comfortably with his head pillowed in the younger man's lap.  
  
Obi-Wan chuckled down at his life mate, brushing the steel gray hair from his forehead. "I wonder how the speech is going."  
  
Qui-Gon reached his hand up to stroke Obi-Wan's lightly bearded cheek. "I'm sure it will be fine."  
  
"I wish I understood Amidala's motivations in this."  
  
The older man shrugged. "She wants to spend more time with her children and her husband. Being on Coruscant will allow her to do so. Especially once the twins enter the temple."  
  
"There's more there, you know that love. What with Palpatine still on the loose..."  
  
"That was NOT your fault, Obi, and I don't want you dwelling on it."  
  
Glaring at his mate, Obi-Wan growled "I wish you'd stop saying that."  
  
Raising one eyebrow in his best, patented 'I'm the Jedi Master and don't you forget it' look, Qui-Gon responded mildly, "I will continue to say it as long as necessary, Obi-Wan. Until you actually believe it." Qui-Gon raised his hand again and traced the line of his lover's frown. "We will find him, beloved. There's a reason Anakin is with us, and I believe this is it. The Force will guide us, love, never doubt that."  
  
Obi-Wan sighed, closed his eyes and released his confusion and fears into the Force. When he opened his eyes again and looked down, he saw Qui-Gon staring up at him with enough love in his face to stop a star from spinning. "I love you," he said.  
  
Mouth quirking into a smile, the Jedi Master answered, "I know. Now if I could only get you to LISTEN to me once in a while..."  
  


* * *

  
AGE 45  
  
There were still parts of the city-planet that burned, and they might continue to do so for weeks yet, Obi-Wan reflected. He stood on the balcony of what had been a luxury hotel overlooking the Temple district...a Temple that was reduced to not much more than rubble. The newly-formed Alliance and the remains of the Jedi order had commandeered the hotel as a base of operations, temporary homeless shelter and field hospital. Several floors below him, the one true love of his life was floating in bacta and he couldn't find it in his heart to go see him.  
  
/Once again, I almost lost you,/ he thought to himself, replaying the climactic battle in his head over and over again as he stared unseeing at the pillars of smoke rising on the horizon. Anakin, Qui-Gon and he had met Palpatine and his forces in a battle that was as ferocious as it was devastating; as filled with joy and heartache as the barely-remembered battle for Naboo. And again, Qui-Gon was almost fatally hurt, again due to his obstinate pride and sense of responsibility for his two former Padawans, two grown men who were well able to care for themselves AND a 68-year-old Jedi too damn stubborn for...  
  
A bright point of Force was moving rapidly towards him, then finally skidded to a stop hard against him. "Master Obi-Wan!" Luke gasped. The boy obviously had been running as hard as his legs could carry him, and Obi-Wan steadied him with his hand.  
  
"Luke! Calm down, Padawan. What is it?"  
  
"Its-it's Father, and Master Yoda, they want you to come quickly. Master Qui-Gon is coming out of the bacta!" Alarmed, Obi-Wan felt with the Force for any problems, encountering only the boy's excitement at the news.  
  
"Well, then, I guess we should be there immediately, right, Padawan?" Taking Luke's hand in his, they moved away from the balcony and descended to the lower level, where the hospital was set up.  
  
By the time Obi-Wan entered the room, Qui-Gon had been removed and was resting on a hospital bed. Yoda, himself hurt in the battle and looking even more shrunken than usual, was perched beside him. Also hovering were Anakin and Amidala; Leia was pressed into her mother's waist, hiding her face. Obi-Wan was only peripherally aware of this since he had eyes for no one but his life-mate.  
  
/His face looks awful,/ Obi-Wan thought to himself with a chill. Qui-Gon's eyes were sunken and surrounded by dark circles and his skin was ashy. More alarming to him was the fact that he could not feel his lover anywhere in the Force, but that might be as much him as anything. Since Palpatine and his horrific attempts at mind-rape, he hadn't been much inclined to draw on the living Force.  
  
As he stood there, indecisive, Qui-Gon's eyes opened and focused on him to the exclusion of all else in the room. His focus narrowed and suddenly all the pain, the anguish, the anger at Qui-Gon's attempts to shield him; Anakin's bravado at attempting to face Palpatine alone; his own breakdown at the slimy presence in his mind... all of it came rushing back. Overwhelmed, his knees gave out and he tremblingly grabbed the foot of the bed for support.  
  
Yoda looked slowly between the two of them as they stared at each other, then smiled and held his hands out to Luke. "Come, Padawan," he said, "and rest of you too. Leave them alone now we will. More than one healing is necessary here."  
  
Luke helped his little green Master off the bed, then followed him out the door. Anakin looked as though he wanted desperately to say something to Obi-Wan, but at Amidala's subtle head-shake, contented himself with a squeeze to his former Master's shoulder. Before they left, Leia pulled herself away from her mother and ran back to Qui-Gon, giving him a quick hug and kiss before running out the door again.  
  
Then they were alone. Although it made no difference; they had been virtually alone since Qui-Gon had opened his eyes. Obi-Wan was still shaking and wasn't sure he could trust his legs to move, so he sat gingerly at the foot of the hospital bed.  
  
There was no need of speech, either vocal or mind. Their eyes told each other exactly what they were feeling. All the love, anguish, heartache, pain, anger, worry and joy was expressed, matched, acknowledged and accepted between eyes of deep blue and light gray-green. Finally, Qui-Gon lifted one trembling hand up from the bed to beckon to his mate. Obi-Wan carefully scooted around the edge of the bed and took that hand without reservation or hesitation; in its warmth and comfort finally feeling the horror of the war receding.  
  
Several hours later, when Anakin checked up on them, they were asleep in each other's arms.  
  


* * *

  
AGE 50  
  
The party was incredibly noisy and raucous, and apparently only one person had noted that the guest of honor was no longer present. Slipping unobserved out of the common room, Obi-Wan sought his life-mate's presence in the force and found it just a little ways away, in a sheltered garden.  
  
The hotel management had long since given up on ever getting its establishment back, and since the Alliance had moved to other, more permanent quarters, the Jedi had pretty much taken over. Indeed, some of the younger Padawans had nearly forgotten there was ever another facility. The garden in which Qui-Gon sat had been an atrium, but the plants had run riot (some at the active instigation of the Jedi) and now it was a little haven for the living Force to hide in.  
  
Obi-Wan sat with a sigh in a chair very near where Qui-Gon sat meditating, enjoying the relative peace after the excessive noise. There had been a time, he thought to himself with a jolt of humor, when he would have been one of the main noisemakers at any party. Now he found he had little tolerance. /Must be getting old,/ he thought to himself, chuckling.  
  
Without opening his eyes, Qui-Gon said, "If you've come to drag me back, you'll have to do so over my dead body."  
  
Snorting with amusement, his life-mate answered, "Well, then, I guess that's out. How about I promise not to take you back if you promise not to make me go back?"  
  
That got him a humorous look from deep blue eyes. "What a pair we are, beloved."  
  
A dimpled grin met that. "Two old men doddering off into the sunset. I don't see why you should have to go back to your own retirement party. You've put in the requisite appearance. Besides, I'd much rather sit here with you and enjoy the peace and quiet."  
  
A young shout and gales of giggles, receding into the distance, almost interrupted his last words, and he winced. "Well, RELATIVE peace and quiet. How long until the new Temple is built?"  
  
It was clearly a rhetorical question, since Obi-Wan was on the building committee and knew, down to the probable hour, how long it was to take. Qui-Gon just smiled, dropping back into light meditation.  
  
After a time, natural light faded and artificial light took over. The party was apparently breaking up into smaller groups heading out towards dinner, and Obi-Wan was beginning to consider that himself when Qui-Gon spoke.  
  
"Anakin told me he was heading out tomorrow for Mimseh Prime with a battalion," he said quietly. Obi-Wan shrugged and made a non-committal noise. "Apparently there's a last hold out there from old Palpy's forces that needs seeing to. He also told me," and here deep blue eyes focused hard on light gray-green ones, "that the Senate asked you to go and you declined."  
  
Obi-Wan met his life-mate's gaze clearly, without any shade of guilt or guile. "Yes, that's true. They asked General Kenobi to go and General Kenobi told them to shove it."  
  
Ignoring the joke, Qui-Gon continued. "Why, Obi-Wan?"  
  
Sighing, Obi-Wan shook his head and smiled. "Qui, do you remember when I was just a Padawan, and you would tell me how old you were, and how much you hated certain things because you were so old?"  
  
Qui-Gon didn't answer, but his eyes narrowed and he finally nodded, reluctantly. "Well, I'm about the same age as you were then. And I find that age and rank does have its privileges, and I further found that I didn't want to go."  
  
He leaned forward and took Qui-Gon's hands, forestalling a protest from the older man. "The galaxy has moved on, Qui. We need to let it go and let the younger ones take over."  
  
Shrewd eyes were still focused on him. "Are you sure that's the reason, beloved? Because if the real reason is that you want to remain here with me..."  
  
"Of course that was part of it, Qui. You are my love, and you need me. More than that, I find I need you more as I get older. But the other reason is just as valid...we need to let them walk on their own. Fall on their own, if need be."  
  
Under that gaze, Qui-Gon found he could not hold his incipient anger. Shaking his head in wonder, he said, "How is it I trained such a wise man?"  
  
Kissing the hands he still held in his, Obi-Wan replied softly. "Everything I am is because I had such a wise Master. And don't you forget it." He leaned forward and kissed Qui-Gon tenderly, their beards gently rubbing against each other.  
  
"And by the way," Obi-Wan finally continued, "you may have forgotten what else this day represents, but I haven't." He pulled a small, wrapped box out of his pocket and handed it to his mystified life-mate. "This is the twenty-fifth anniversary of my Knighting, and our bonding. Happy anniversary, my one true love."  
  
Blinking back sudden tears, Qui-Gon accepted the box in a hand that shook with emotion. "That long already? How is that possible, love? And I did forget, unbelievably."  
  
Obi-Wan laughed lightly. "Don't worry about it. I would have forgotten myself if it hadn't been for a few things nudging my memory, little things like Anakin."  
  
They chuckled then, for their former apprentice was anything but 'little'. Qui-Gon gently unwrapped the box and opened it.  
  
His laughter rang long and loud in that sheltered space as he gazed at the present inside, and Obi-Wan's heart lifted to hear it. Later, over dinner and the story, Amidala asked what had been in the box and it brought chuckles back to the mates as they told her.  
Obi-Wan had given his life-mate a rock.  
  


* * *

  
AGE 60  
  
"It's a beautiful house, Master, but are you sure..."  
  
Obi-Wan looked up at the tall, stout, distinguished looking man with him and smiled. "No, Anakin, I'm not. Not entirely, anyway. But he needs to get away from Coruscant, and he won't go unless I do."  
  
Anakin grinned wryly. "And of course, YOU have no wish to leave Coruscant."  
  
Obi-Wan laughed at that, clapping his former Padawan on the back. "I never could fool you, could I? No, to say truth, it holds mostly bad memories for me too. And since Yoda's passage into the Force, well..." he sighed.  
  
"I know, Obi-Wan. Oddly enough I think it affected Luke more than it did Master Qui-Gon."  
  
"Yes. They were very close. But Qui was as deeply affected; he just hides it much better."  
  
The two men fell silent as they paced side-by-side through the broad corridors of the rebuilt Jedi Temple. While waiting for the lift that would take them to the Master's quarters, Anakin asked, "So how are you going to trick him into agreeing?"  
  
"Anakin!" Obi-Wan couldn't decide on whether to be shocked or amused, and settled for something in-between. "I NEVER trick my life-mate. I may finagle, I may tease, I may pout, I may even resort to out and out bribery. I never trick."  
  
"Yeah, right." Clearly the other man didn't believe a word of it. "So how are you going to do it?"  
  
Sighing, Obi-Wan gave up. "I was actually just thinking about telling him the truth. I really don't want to be here any more, Anakin. I'm tired. Almost as much as Qui is. Saving the universe is up to you youngsters now."  
  
Nonplused, Anakin blinked. "I'm hardly a young man, Master, and you are hardly old. And I'm not entirely sure we can muddle on without the two of you. You're basically all that's left of the old days, now that Yoda is gone."  
  
The lift stopped and the two men exited, but Obi-Wan stopped, forcing Anakin to do so as well. The younger man turned and waited patiently for his Master to speak.  
  
"Anakin," he finally said, slowly, "sometimes I think you are still that insecure boy Qui-Gon brought back from Tatooine. The future belongs to you, and Luke and Leia, and Han, Chewbacca, young Antilles... We've taught you everything we can, we've handed you the galaxy on a platter, all dressed up for a feast. It's time to let us go. It's time to live your life on your own."  
  
The younger man hung his head and stared at his shoes. "I-I don't like to face things knowing you are not here to back me up, Master. I must confess to those fears."  
  
"And you must release them to the Force, Anakin. Qui-Gon foresees nothing but peace for the next fifty years or more. And it's because of you, you and your wife, Padawan."  
  
Anakin smiled. "You haven't called me that for years."  
  
His former Master smiled back. "Perhaps because you haven't been acting like one. Anakin, we will always be around. There is no death, you know."  
  
The two of them began walking towards their destination again; Anakin shot Obi-Wan a look of pure panic at those words. "Don't even think it, Master! We need the two of you still, if for nothing else than to inspire the new ranks."  
  
//Inspire or terrorize?// Qui-Gon's mental voice was as strong as ever, as the two men entered the quarters. The aged Jedi sat in a large padded chair in the sunlight streaming through the window, a crocheted blanket covering his nearly useless legs. Most of his once-flowing locks were gone, but his eyes were as sharp and deeply blue as the first time Obi-Wan had seen them.  
  
The younger man went immediately to the older one's side and knelt, hugging him tightly. "Both, perhaps. Hullo, Master," he said. "Have Luke and Leia been taking good care of you while we've been away?"  
  
//Of course. When I could pry Leia away from Han, that is.//  
  
Obi-Wan perched on the arm of his mate's chair and kissed him deeply. "Sounds like we have a match there, then."  
  
//Well, I think Anakin is in for some trouble unless he forces the issue. We don't want them running off and eloping, now, do we?//  
  
Anakin looked distinctly pale, even a tad green around the gills. "MY Leia? My little girl? Married? Oh... my."  
  
The two older men exchanged smiles. //Wait until the first grandbaby is born// Obi-Wan thought quietly to his lover, who just grinned impishly back.  
  


* * *

  
AGE 72  
  
"Do you ever have regrets, beloved?"  
  
The voice was soft and gentle, and Obi-Wan might not have heard it had he not been snuggled up against Qui-Gon's chest. He sat up carefully, a slight smile on his face. "I thought you were asleep. I nearly was."  
  
A low chuckle answered him. "No, not asleep. Although I fear..."  
  
"Don't say it, love. I know." The white-haired man sighed. "I feel it too. And no, I have no regrets at all. Why would I?"  
  
Obi-Wan tucked the blankets in more securely around the shrunken form of his life mate. They were in the terrace garden of their home on Alderaan, where they had retired when they left the Jedi, reclining on the beautiful chaise Anakin and Luke had built for them some years before. Qui-Gon reached a palsied hand out to tug on Obi-Wan's snowy beard gently.  
  
"Why would you indeed. Foolish Padawan. And quit hovering so."  
  
The younger man's eyes twinkled. "I haven't been a Padawan for almost 50 years, Qui. You can't tell me what to do any more."  
  
"Not that I ever could..." The hand that had tugged on his beard caressed his cheek. Obi-Wan leaned into it, then bent to kiss the older man tenderly.  
  
"After all this time, I still love you, you know," he murmured, rubbing his nose against Qui-Gon's.  
  
"And I you, my Obi. Now and forever," the last words were whispered as they locked gazes.  
  
Obi-Wan pressed his forehead into the older man's. "What about you? Any regrets? I mean, while we're on the subject..."  
  
Tiredly, the older man smiled. "Well, I would have liked to make love more while I still could," he muttered, shifting carefully and painfully.  
  
Laughing softly, Obi-Wan slid an arm behind Qui-Gon and lifted him away from the back of the chaise to resettle him against the younger man's chest. Qui-Gon sighed and nestled closer. "That's better. Thank you, my own."  
  
"You're welcome. Although I suppose I should get up and get started on dinner. Anakin and 'Dala will be here soon with the children."  
  
"No hurry," Qui-Gon whispered. "We have all the time in the universe. Do you remember the first time we made love, Obi?"  
  
"Like it was yesterday, Qui."  
  
"It WAS yesterday, imp."  
  
Obi-Wan laughed. "Not the first time! Do you remember that ball for the..."  
  
The two old lovers fell to quiet reminiscing for a time, then became silent again, listening to the birds and breathing in the warmly scented breeze. Obi-Wan held his love tightly and rested his cheek on the sparse iron-gray hair as the day moved on through the afternoon, and the evening light deepened. A hush fell.  
  
"It's time, I think," Qui-Gon murmured, his fingers tightening on the arms Obi-Wan had wrapped securely around him.  
  
The sharp hiss of indrawn breath. "No, Qui, no, not...not yet..." but the Force whispered and he closed his eyes, acquiescing silently, his shoulders slumping and his arms tightening.  
  
After a moment, his mate spoke again, softly, hesitantly. "Will you come with me? I don't mean to be a selfish old man but..."  
  
Obi-Wan swallowed, looking around the beautiful garden he had called home for so long. Then he realized that it was only home because Qui-Gon was there. Just as everything had been since he was first accepted as a Padawan, Qui-Gon was his home. Now and forever.  
  
"Just try to stop me," he answered at last, equally softly. "And no, I have no regrets, beloved." The younger man shifted the older carefully in his arms, then bent his head. Gently, reverently, they kissed; sharing breath, sharing love, sharing memories, passion and life, and finally, sharing death, passing peacefully into the Force. Together.  
  
When Anakin and Amidala arrived at the house, only a puddle of robes and blankets remained on the chaise.  
  


* * *

  
Their eyes locked as Qui-Gon drew his final breath...  
  
...then slumped into his Padawan's arms. Obi-Wan pressed his forehead to his Master's and held him tightly, weeping and remembering now, and forever.

end


End file.
